Do you remember the first time you thought, I’m not good at this?
“I’m such a bad mom.” Five words we tell ourselves. Feeling that we’re just not doing it right. And now with the global pandemic, things are getting worse.
You know what, you’re not alone! you’re not even a bad mom! The truth is there is no doing it right all the time. The expectation that we must always know what to do, how to feel, and what to plan for, is the reason for so much wild anxiety and judgment, both in ourselves and other parents on the path.
Let’s be honest, most of us occasionally feel like bad moms, especially these days when many parents have to show up every day as a caregiver, educator, cook, entertainer, and friend. And, what if you also have a full-time job.
Whether we want to admit it or not, rarely having space or freedom to discuss it can make us feel isolated in our worlds. It’s okay to say it: Being a mom is so much harder than we thought it would be. And, it’s quite possible that being in quarantine has increased those feelings of doubt and self-criticism.
Why do we always feel like we’re doing it wrong, and why do we always need someone else to support us and tell us that we are doing a great job?
“We each have our idea of what being a perfect mom looks like, and we’re going to fail to meet that standard” — Carley Fortune
That feeling of failure can start early. I remember after I had given birth, I had a total breakdown when we were coming home from the hospital, I couldn’t figure out how to get the baby into the car seat safety, and I burst into tears. It felt like I failed the first test of parenthood. I felt like it was a game of survival. All of a sudden I was at home, with this creature I had to keep alive, which was very difficult. I even struggled with breastfeeding. The emotional crash is so intense, too. It was hard not to cry every single day. I was afraid and holding my breath all the time I was feeling deeply depressed. And I guess that’s postpartum depression, which is another thing I was not prepared for at all. And that is normal!
What if we all think “We’re just bad moms” is all bullshit and we’re all so much better than we can allow ourselves to see and to know that nobody’s perfect, and everyone’s just doing the best they can.
Do you remember the first time you thought, I’m not good at this?
Try to think to yourself, What part of you do you feel bad about? What skill do you feel like you’re lacking?
