What if your child makes the same mistake as you?

I always used to say that I would raise my children the same way I was raised. Until I discovered that the way my parents raised me sometimes annoyed me.

Don’t get me wrong, my parents are the best yet the most lovable humans on earth. The most important value they showed me is respect for others, but they forget to tell me that respect does not mean giving up my rights and confronting people. This value increased me in certain places, but it affected me in other areas, it made me a shy person who would give up on her rights and resist to face people. It pushes me on taking some wrong decisions in my life, most decisions ruined me but taught me.

With time as I grew up and got mature, I learned from trials and errors. I learned that respect has limits and if you do not stand up to defend yourself and your rights no one will do that for you. You are the only one responsible for yourself.

But, what if my child makes the same mistakes as I did? What if she makes choices that hurt me and remind me of my mistake?

She will grow up and she might do the same mistake, but I pretty know that as a parent I cannot fully control everything, the only thing I can do is to make sure that my daughter will make her own mistakes as safely as possible, she might do it anyway, so I will teach her how to do it safely.

Forget it! Don’t do it! It will not work. Instead, I will do for her what I failed to have done for me which made me make the mistakes. I will uplift her individuality. Let her mind be free, teach her about body safety and self-love. Lead by example, which means loving yourself. When she make the mistake I’ll be there to listen and ask her what she learned through it. Of course, I will lead her on how to respect others but with a lot of self-confidence.

Did you know that if you parent from an angle of “I know more than you because I did it so you shouldn’t” your child will view you as a full of a shit hypocrite? Never compare their lives with yours. They are not you.

They will make their own mistakes and some of them might break your heart. You better be there, not from an enabling aspect, but from an understanding that they are their own person with their own mind and they are never alone because they have your support. Share the mistakes you made, and talk about why you did things, and why you think that they should not do those things. Just keep the lines of communication open.

Allowing them to make mistakes is part of life’s journey. All you can do as a parent is model how you want them to be as a person. Inspire them to strive to be the best they can be. And hope they don’t choose wrong over right, but supporting them to correct their wrongs without controlling it. They’re always gonna do something disappointing. It’s human. It’s how you respond to it that makes the difference. You can only teach by example and hope they learn from mistakes they will make.

There’s no way you can prevent them from making any of your mistakes but you can teach them how to deal with them properly when they do occur.

Now, what is the mistake that you’re afraid your children do it?